A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have enlightened him with ours.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A guy with a low IQ should have a low voice too.
A long period of silence would be most welcome on your part.
A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind
A slug is not in your league - it is leagues above you.
All foam, no beer.
All you do is moan and whine like a $10 whore who just got offered a top offer of $5 bucks.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
And yo Mother-in-law so huge she stole my pillow cases when she ran outta socks.
And your completely irrelevant point is...?
And your idiotic, whiny-assed opinion would be...?
Another epileptic seizure on the keyboard!
Any friend of yours...is a lousy judge of character.
Any similarity between you and a human being is purely coincidental.
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Anything requiring a grasp of reality just glides over your head like hurled beer bottles at your local AA meeting gone badly wrong, dunce.
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
As a Child, he was the kind his Mother wouldn't let him play with.
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
As smart as bait.
At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people - you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!
At long last, you cease your sick-inducing charade of sounding like a ten-cent romance novel and revert to your true nature: sounding like a ten-dollar Texan whore.
Be quite before I nosedive your forehead into the ground like a Cessna in an Al-Qaeda workshop session.
Be quite before I ram an electric cattle prod up your ass and set the voltage to "Kill."
Be silent, you dingleberry-brained chuckling chump!
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
Buffoon, you have disgraced yourself yet again.
But really, yo Mamma is just like a golf course - everybody gets a hole in one!
But, hey, if I wanted a comeback, christ, I'd just wipe it off Yo Mamma's chin...
Button down that flapping upper lip of yours before I tent stake it into the ground.
Button down that flapping upper lip of yours, goofy, before I staple it to the ceiling and watch you spin around like a fart-powered ceiling fan.
Cackling like a hen that just jumped up on the dinner table doesn't help you gain respect around here.
Calling you dull is a compliment to you.
Change your name to bastard; that way, if I lose you in town, everyone will know it's you I'm shouting for.
Climb back into your possum hole and don't pop your pointy-head up again; in case I decide Groundhog Day came early and wallop it with a nail-spiked baseball bat, you clodhopping yokel.
Did George Burn's grandfather write that joke?
Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you?
Did you come up with that yourself, or do you owe all the credit to the many screaming voices in your head?
Did you know flies were given wings so that they could beat yo mama to the dump?
Do me a favor - on your way home make it a point to jaywalk.
Do that trick again, the one where you open your mouth and your head disappears.
Do the human race a favor: never breed.
Do the world a favor and throw a large rock fastened to your ankle of an exceedingly large cliff.
Do you feel hated? Gimp, it's a simple equation: you have to be rated to be hated, and you don't rate.
Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison your tea.
Do you realize that you are my bitch? Of course you do! Now, fetch me a chilled glass of Courvoisier.
Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?
Do yourself a favor and choke on your grandmother's left tit.
Do yourself and everyone else a favor: take a fatal overdose of your medication.
Do yourself and everyone else a favor: terminate your worthless existence.
Do yourself and your long-suffering parents a favor and go suck on a high-voltage cable.
Doesn't have all her corn flakes in one box.
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
Don't be bitter at me because I'm superior to you and enjoy pissing on your self-esteem. Be bitter at your parents for mixing their genes and spawning you.
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.
Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure.
Don't thank me, I would have done the same thing for someone I liked.
Don't try so hard, I couldn't like you any less.
Don't you feel just the even slightest bit embarrassed by yourself? I bet your long suffering parents do.
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you working so hard to give us another?
Don't you ever get tired shooting yourself in the foot every time you open your mouth, Calamity Brain?
Don't you ever have a point beyond giving your fingers some exercise by dancing them randomly over the keyboard?
Don't you ever have a point to your posts beyond giving your fingers some exercise by dancing them randomly over the keyboard?
Dumber than a box of hair.
Dunce, you are jumping around this thread like a coked-up turkey on a hot stove. Sit down, and give your brains a rest.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
English is your second language, isn't it? What a shame you don't have a first.
Even Gandhi would want to hit you with a baseball bat.
Even the chickens are asleep because it's so dull around here!
Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Fight global warming: shut your mouth.
For a minute I didn't recognize you. It was the most enjoyable minute I ever spent.
For your next trick, why don't you try holding your breath for about six minutes?
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
Get a glass belly button, that way, if your head goes any further up your butt, you can still look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.
Get lost, before I slap you on the back of your head and knock your dick-shaped Popsicle out.
Get out of the way or I shall tread on you.
Gimp, don't come in here babbling like you had a mouth full of depends and a clue in your head.
Gimp, don't start babbling like you had a mouth full of depends and a clue in your head.
Go slit your wrists - it will lower your blood pressure.
Go stick your head in a toilet. Don't forget to flush.
Grab your ears and pull - you may just be able to yank your head out of your ass.
Grasp your ears firmly and pull; you might just be able to remove your head from you ass.
He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory
He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
He called the suicide hotline and they said, "You're doing the right thing."
He claims he has an open mind; if you ask me its just vacant!
He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe
He doesn't know his own mind - well he hasn't missed much!
He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
He has an IQ of room temperature.
He has an unlisted personality.
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
He has occasional flashes of silence, that make his conversation perfectly delightful.
He has such a big mouth he can eat a banana sideways.
He has that certain nothing.
He is a bore and a very dull one at that.
He is about as entertaining as a fire in an orphanage.
He is less interesting than watching paint dry.
He is never lonely while he has his grandmother's corpse in the cupboard.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
He is the only known human being to have attempted suicide by flushing himself down the toilet.
He is the only person to have ever been seen pogo-dancing to Mariah Carey.
He is the only person who enters the room mouth first.
He is utterly reprehensible in almost every way. His sole saving grace is that he'll allow a 10% discount if you rent out his wife and/or sister for a threesome with one of his hogs.
He is very uncomfortable with human interaction of any kind. He has, therefore, moved himself far from the mainstream of human society, thereby, earning its eternal gratitude.
He learned all he knows about the human mind from studying his psychiatrists.
He saw his function in life as being to raise human suffering to a higher level; and he was extremely well equipped with a naturally obnoxious personality to do just that.
He says he can marry any girl he pleases. The problem is, he doesn't please anybody.
He speaks his mind - but it limits the conversation.
He used to think his first name was "pain in the ass" when he was growing so, since that is what everyone called him.
He who greases the ass of squealing pot bellied pigs.
He's a man of few words - but not few enough.
He's in an altered state of consciousness: he's dead.
He's like buried treasure. Too bad they dug him up.
He's more boring than a pneumatic drill.
He's not troublesome; he's just bidding time until he has to go do his paper round.
He's the kind of guy who cleans his ears with his car keys.
Her idea of a hot evening is turning up the thermostat.
Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.
Here is a useful tip: eat 2lbs of spicy Indian curry and then fart your head back out of your ass.
Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change.
Hey, your Momma is so sluttie I'd call her a hoe but hoes' get paid.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
His life is so dull he can actually write his diary one week in advance.
His life is so dull, he looks forward to dental appointments.
Hold still, I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
How about you get a hobby beyond making a rancid ass out of yourself every time you open your mouth?
How can you stand to be in the same room as yourself?
How many times do I have to flush to get rid of you?
I bet you get bullied a lot.
I bet you thought it was just coincidence that your parents had the same surnames before they married?
I bet you're really happy you crawled out of your hole to say that.
I bet you're the only person on your Buddy List?
I bet your mother's catchphrase is "Stop dribbling and eat your mushy peas, son."
I can always tell when you're lying - your lips are moving.
I can be lovely person. I just have chosen not to share that with you.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
I can tell that you are lying; your lips are moving.
I can't hear myself think with all the inane chatter coming from your direction of the room.
I can't seem to remember you name, and please don't remind me!
I could have been Yo daddy, but the gorilla in front of me in line didn't use a condom.
I could never like you as much as I don't now.
I couldn't give an agitated gibbon's malignant left testicle about your semen soaked sob story.
I didn't think it was physically possible, but you both suck and blow at the same time.
I dislike you, but not with any real intensity, since you're so easily ignored.
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet its hard to pronounce.
I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
I don't mind you are talking, so long as you don't mind me not listening.
I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.
I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?
I enjoyed talking to you - my mind needed a rest.
I find a few people annoying, and you are all of them.
I find your breath offensive. It keeps you alive.
I got notin bad to say about Yo Momma - heck, her face says it all...
I got on the train last night - they had a new sign up reading - "Maximum Occupancy: 200 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
I hate those tall midgets. What do you call them? Oh yeah, people.
I have a great new hobby for you. It's like your favorite, Train Spotting, except you try to kiss the front of a speeding train.
I have been generous with my vitriol; since the only insult a 'catcher' like you merits consists of 98% saliva and 2% mucus, projectile dispatched from a mouth.
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
I hear the president is naming you Secretary of the Inferior.
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club cause they need someone to snub.
I hear you're getting a divorce - who's the lucky woman?
I hear you've been sick. If I were you I'd be sick, too.
I heard that Yo mama is on the warpath - she lost a finger and now can't count past 9...
I heard that yo Granny was so disgustingly ugly that on a holiday to Egypt she looked up a Camel's ass and scared the hump off of it!
I heard yo house was made out of bog paper - why? cuz your whole family full of crap!
I heard yo mama got fired from her job at the sperm bank - the boss caught her drinking on the job...
I just felt an instantaneous and unstoppable urge to inform you that you don't just suck like a supersonic jet engine on high-octane fuel; no, you are the singularity and event horizon of Suck: The Supermassive Black Hole of Suck. Yes, your Suck is so powerful that nothing - nothing - escapes its pull. Oh, did I mention that you suck? Have a nice day, cheers.
I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
I know you have to be somebody, but why do you have to be you?
I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame.
I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
I notice that you never let an idea interrupt the flow of your conversation.
I saw Yo mama at the freak show petting the world's largest wilderbeast.
I see that you have undergone charisma bypass surgery.
I see that you set this time aside to humiliate yourself.
I suggest you commit yourself to a Psychiatric hospital before what is left of your sanity disappears, and you be left strapped upright in a chair; fed mushy peas (and other non-solids) with a rubber spoon in a darkened room with only your tortured and erratic fantasies for comfort, and occasional self-pleasuring.
I think we should award her a special prize...for graduating top of her year at the Lucretia Borgia charm school.
I think yo mama remind me of a brick - flat, dirty and always always getting laid by Mexicans.
I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt I'll think so.
I thought I saw you in town the other day, but it was just an oily rag in the gutter.
I took yo Mama to the Doctor's - I tell him that she feeling poorly and that she only got 1 toe and 1 knee. Doc tells me she's contracted 'Tony'...
I understand everything - except what you're saying.
I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
I used to think that you were a insufferable bore, but now I have a much lower opinion of you.
I visualize you with comical 70s sideburns - a la Noddy Holder - and an outlandishly large clay pipe.
I was speaking to your parents - they told me you was such an ugly baby they had to feed you with a slingshot.
I went to my doctor after we last met. "I have a diagnosis." he said. "You're allergic to boring faggots."
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
I wish I had a hearing aid so I could turn you off.
I wish somebody would kidnap you, but who would they contact?
I wish you were on TV - so I could turn you off.
I worship the ground that awaits your corpse.
I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to animals.
I would probably find you more interesting had I studied psychology.
I wouldn't piss in your ear if your brain was on fire!
I wouldn't spit in your ear if your wax was on fire.
I'd get more pleasure from running my nostrils down a cactus, than being with you.
I'd insult you with wit but it'd be wasted on you, so instead, go poke yourself in the eye with a fork.
I'd like to have the spitting concession your grave.
I'd like to introduce you to some friends of mine- I want to break off with them.
I'd like to pay you a compliment, but I can't think of a single good thing to say about you.
I'd like to run into you again - sometime when I'm driving and you're walking.
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
I'll let you have the last word if you guarantee it will be your last.
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
I'll see you in my dreams - if I eat too much cheese.
I'm better than you and always will be. It's not my fault, just a matter of natural selection.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I'm busy trying to imagine you with a personality.
I'm done using your EGO as a urinal.
I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
I'm glad you don't have a dual personality. This one's bad enough.
I'm guessing that you were spawned by a one-off mutated chromosome resulting from your father humping the decaying carcass of beached squid right before he humped your mother in a dumpster at the rear of Hooters two days before he committed suicide by bungee jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge without a rope.
I'm guessing you spend your evenings popping pimples and sniffing your sister's gym socks while waiting anxiously for your hairless balls to drop, Rupert
I'm impressed, I've never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
I'm not hard of hearing, I'm just ignoring you.
I'm not rude, you're insignificant.
I'm planning to invite you to my party - there's always room for one bore.
I's apologise for talkin bout Yo Mama...I should know better...hell, I don't even know the Man...
I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.
I've come across decomposing animal carcasses that are less offensive than you are.
I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it.
If I want to hear from a rat-faced tard-popsicle, I'll either spit raw flem at you or waltz over there and piss on you. Until then, stick your head into your infected mange and let the stench knock you out already.
If I want your opinion, I'd twist your ear and feed you a gumball, dimwit.
If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
If I've said anything to offend you, I mean it.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, will my wretched wife still think its my fault?
If he ever had to eat his words, he'd put on fifteen pounds.
If he's a joke, I missed the punch line.
If people follow you, it is only out of morbid curiosity.
If sex were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
If there was a Pandora's Box of Tedium, this would be it.
If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!
If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murderit would be an apocalypse!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder - it would be genocide!
If wit was chocolate you wouldn't have enough to fill an M&M.
If yo Momma n Poppa got a divorce, heck, they'd still be Brother and Sister
If you aren't an escaped mental patient, you are doing a first-rate impression of one.
If you can laugh at yourself... you've got a really sick sense of humor.
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you.
If you can't make the 'Who's Who', try for, 'What the hell was that?'
If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
If you ever bite your tongue, you'll die from acid poisoning.
If you ever need a friend - I'll go find one.
If you ever waste my time again with another one of these sonnets to your stupidity, I will uppercut your jaw so hard that your head snaps backward and then snaps forward in perfect synchronicity for me to head butt you into a seven-year coma.
If you gave him a penny for his thoughts you'd get change!
If you have something to say, shut up.
If you knew what you're talking about you'd be dangerous.
If you sucked anymore than you already do, you'd implode.
If you think of something to say, don't mention it.
If you were alive, you'd be a very sick man.
If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.
If you'll stop telling lies about me, I'll stop telling the truth about you.
In reality (remember reality?), you're the kind of greasy giggling geek who whispers sweet nothings in his ears.
Indians worship the cow. You worship an ass - yourself!
Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?
Is there anything I need to know about you other than your a grungy social outcast?
Is there no beginning to your good taste?
Is your speech over, or can I finish my nap?
Isn't there a power point somewhere close by that you can plug your tongue into?
It is apparent that you and reality never got along and have now permanently parted ways with irreconcilable differences.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
It's always difficult to follow an outstanding speaker. Fortunately, I don't have that problem tonight.
It's because of people like you that I hate the mentally ill.
It's either silence or Armageddon, chucklehead.
It's nice hearing from you - next time, just send a postcard.
It's understanding that makes it possible for people like me to tolerate people like you.
It's understanding that makes it possible for people like me to tolerate people like you.
It's your life - but I wish you'd let us have it.
Its such a shame that some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Ive got to listen to your senseless uber-babble? Your verbiage is more inflated than your dads blow-up doll of Denis Rodman.
Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ass.
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
Learn how to laugh at yourself, and will never cease to be amused.
Listen buddy, your mommy is so freakin dumb that if you told her pappa was a rolling stone, she'd tell her momma to put mick jagger on child support!
Looking at you, Darwin would NOT be pleased to see how inefficiently evolution sometimes works.
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
Make the world a better place - kill yourself.
Man alive! But I wish you weren't.
May you end your days as a cadaver... and soon.
May you soar like an Eagle - and get sucked into a Jet Engine.
Maybe you'd be less boring once I got to know you - but I don't want to take a chance.
Most repair manuals are far more interesting than you.
My guess is that you divide your days between making kissing and winking gestures to your freakishly fugly face as you mine Mariah Carey songs to your dandruff-covered hairbrush in the mirror and nibbling your transvestite father's Persian cat's hemorrhoids beneath the chassis of your dilapidated Duluth trailer home.
My visualization of you is of an acne-encrusted, balding, 35-stone, 4'7" dwarf in his parent's basement - surrounded by semen-stained socks and old copies of BESTIALITY TODAY.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Next time you cook with gas, inhale some.
Next time you pass my house, I'll appreciate it.
No one likes you - even your Mother sent you a Christmas card with "Die Bitch!" written on it.
No one likes you, even your dog ran away from home.
No seriously, under all that hair yo Mama is really a Saint....a saint Bernard!
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Nothing bad said about you is ever untrue.
Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
Oh look! Just 249621841 more days until I start caring what you think.
Oi, yo need to tell you mama to stop wearing the blue lipstick...I got balls like a smurf now!
Only job yo ever gonna get is as a blind bird-watcher.
People owe a lot to him - ulcers, nausea, diarrhea.
People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Perhaps, the lasting impression I left on you is the imprint of my palm on your face.
Please call me some day, so I can hang up on you.
Please close your mouth so I can see who you are.
Please deprive me of your company.
Please try to have some small idea of what in the hell you're talking about before you speak again.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Quit with the reality-altering drugs before whats left of your brain turns to mush and starts oozing out of your nostrils and drips onto your keyboard, you gone-to-Disneyland-in-the-head-and-never-coming-back untreatable mental patient.
Quit yapping at my heels like a little pink poodle with a perm.
Rather than watch your fail at the flame game, why don't I just send you a revolver so that you can play Russian roulette with all chambers fully loaded?
Reality and you parted ways a long time ago, alas.
Rearrange these two words into a well-known phrase: up shut.
Riverdance your way over to the cooler a-rap-a-tap-tap and fetch me a cold one, bitch.
Say what you mean, then shut up.
She grows on you - like a wart.
She has a black belt in mouth.
She has a momentary spasm of humor once each month, about five days into her twelve-day period. Other than that, she's just bitching weakly about the hubby and the dirty kitchen and the ten starving filthy children and the plugged up toilet. Easily filtered background noise.
She has a toxic personality bordering on the radioactive.
She is a magician. She just has to leave the table in the restaurant to use the toilet, and her date disappears.
She nasty too ya know - yo daddy just got out of hospital after eating her out - he caught food poisining...
She relies on her personality for birth control.
She's the first in her family born without tail.
She's the kind of girl who would start a fight in a nunnery.
Shush, or I will beat you like a dwarfish donkey jockey trying to take over 747 with a rubber knife.
Shush, unless you want me to rip you apart like a fillet steak thrown into a pit of rabid starving dogs.
Shut it, before I jack-hammer your head into the concrete pavement and plant pretty plastic flowers in your ass, you brain-fried gimpzoid spazboy.
Shut up before I come over there and kick your nuts so hard they dislodge your tonsils into where your eyeballs used to be right before I grabbed your mother's dildo out of your father's ass and used it to poke your brain out through the back of your John Merrick cranium, Mr. Monotone Drone.
Shut up before I place an old black and white TV in your indoor scooter carrier basket and fasten it around your neck with a daisy chain of live rattlesnakes, and send you plummeting to your death off the fourth floor balcony to a standing ovation from the gallery below.
Shut up before I plant your ass on the gear shifter of your pink Cadillac and let you slam head first into a brick wall like a gay crash test dummy.
Shut up before I pull back that bulbous red nose of yours, let loose and watch your eyes light up like a pinball machine.
Shut up before I rubber stamp "Tedious Gimp. Keep clear!" on your sloped forehead.
Shut up before I smash your pumpkin head with a sledgehammer of verbal abuse until you lose all use of language and are left with the words 'Please' 'Kill' and 'Me' as your only grasp of it.
Shut up before I stick a red flag up your ass and throw you into a bull ring with a herd of cloned bulls genetically altered to ramrod gimps.
Shut up before I throw a stick into the spokes of your rainbow-colored Tandem and let the asphalt and curb do the work of beating you up for me.
Shut up before I wire your eyeballs to a defibrillator; set the voltage to Kill, and smile as you go flying around the flashing coop like a beheaded multicolored, fire-farting chicken before collapsing conveniently at my feet so I can piss-out the flames and feed the remains of your fried gimp carcass to the pigs.
Shut up or I'll bitchslap you so hard, you'll see more stars than the Hubble telescope.
Shut up, before I send you flying into the wall like a gay crash test dummy.
Shut up, before I slap you on the back of your head and knock your dick-shaped Popsicle out.
Shut up, before I stick my boot so far up your butt that you'll be spit-shining it with your tongue.
Shut up, you hollerin' Redneck afflicted with Tourette's syndrome!
Shut your mouth before I knock so many teeth out of it the Tooth Fairy needs to make three round trips to collect them all.
Shut your senseless lips that flap in the breeze like the sails of the good ship lollipop.
Skylight leaks a little.
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you were lost again!
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
Someone needs to rub toothpaste on their knuckles and punch you in the mouth.
Speak up! You are entitled to your own stupid opinion.
Stay with me - I want to be alone.
Stick around while I have a few drinks - it'll make you witty.
Stop wasting oxygen and die already.
Stop whining like an old whore. I can't be bothered to slap you about your wrinkled gin-ravaged face any longer - it's too easy.
Take 55 milligrams of pure Diazepam and 120mg of Valium and sit in the corner and fondle yourself until the presence of a somewhat pacified braying jackass is requested.
Take a deep breath and hold it until somewhere before the end of the 1912 overture.
Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.
Talking to you is a fantastic experience, like discovering a new species of limpet.
Tell Yo' girlfriend my Dog wanna know how much he owes her for last night...
Tell me all about yourself. I adore horror stories.
That Grandpa of your's so stupid and poor that when I came over for Dinner he read me recipes...
That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
The best part of you ran down the crack of your mother's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
The day I give a crap what you think is the day purple pigs fly out of my ass.
The last time I saw people this mentally unstable in one room, they were wearing drool bibs and strapped to chairs.
The last time he was in the hospital, he got get-well soon cards - from all the nurses.
The less I see of you the more I like you.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?
The only insult you merit consists of 98% saliva.
The party's over - you just arrived.
The plain truth is you plain suck.
The purpose of this conversation is to allow you to humiliate himself. And most will tell you it serves that purpose very well.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
There are enough cuckoos here to supply the entire clock industry of Switzerland.
There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them.
There isn't one line in that sequence of mouse farts that is even remotely interesting to read, you brain-amputated, gibbering gimp dullard in a pair of lathered panty hose and a mini-skirt.
There's a whiskey named after you - Old Crow!
There's nothing wrong with you that couldn't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.
These idiots should be drowned in huge vessels filled with cats' piss. I have decided to begin breeding cats especially for this purpose.
They said you were a great asset. I told them they were off by two letters.
This coward excels in picking on the most clueless of people in a vain attempt to masque his own shortcomings. It doesn't work.
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
This is even worse than flogging a dead horse...it's like flogging its skeleton.
Turn the ignition off, your mouth is still running.
Unclench your buttocks, and release the bitterness.
Watch yourself! No one else can stand to.
We know that you would give your life for us. Promises, promises!
We're not interested in the views of painted, perfumed gigolos.
We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault.
Were you trained in the Norman Bates School of Charm?
What a turd-tossing tard!
What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
What do you do for a living? You are living, aren't you?
What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
What possessed this nonentity to think he/she/it was capable of entertaining conversation?
What you are - besides a pitiable little carnival freak - is a watery bowel movement bubbling back up to the surface after a pregnant water buffalo farts in a river.
What you need is a personality transplant.
What's the latest dope... besides you?
What's wrong, don't you get any attention back home?
What's your favorite flavor of paint?
Whatever is eating you must be suffering horribly.
Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
When I say that sounds fascinating, I want you to believe me.
When you are at a loss for words, your loss is our gain.
When you get run over by a car it won't be listed under 'Accidents.'
Which one of The Three Amigos are you?
Who was talking to you or even taking talking to you under consideration?
Who was talking to you or even taking you under consideration?
Why do I hear the vacuous cackling of a psychiatric outpatient when you laugh?
Why do you get up in the morning?
Why don't you close your mouth before someone sticks an apple in it?
Why don't you play on the train tracks and try to get your foot stuck when a train comes?
Why don't you shut that mobile sperm bank you call a mouth before I put your big ass on a straight knuckles and molars diet?
Why don't you try farting your head back out?
Would the dyslexic botched lobotomy patients in the room with the crisscross shoelace scars on their foreheads kindly improve the quality of their insults or drool in silence. Thanks.
Would you like some cheese and crackers to go with that whine?
Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
Yo AOL buddy so stupid when the Computer said 'Press any key to continue', she phoned support complaing she couldn't find the 'any' key...
Yo Auntie just like the Suez Canal - Vessels full of Seamen passing through everyday...
Yo Auntie like a Library - open to the public.
Yo Auntie so dumb her weekly shopping list consist of 1 item - 'Hundreds and thousands'
Yo Auntie so flat chested she jealous of the wall.
Yo Auntie so stinkin that a skunk smelled her butt and passed out.
Yo BT Telephone repairman so freakin stupid he asked me what the number for 999 was...
Yo Boss so stupid he bought everybody in the department solar powered flashlights incase of a blackout...
Yo Burglar so stupid he broke into yo house and stole food stamps
Yo Bus driver so stupid that she went to Disneyworld, saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so drove home.
Yo Business associate so stupid he thought Gangrene was another golf course.
Yo Chip shop assistant like a fine restaraunt - she only take deliviries in rear...
Yo Cousin so old she drives a chariot to High school
Yo Cousin so stupid that when I said I was going to Thailand she asked me if they still sold Kippers....
Yo Dentist so stupid he uses mayonnaise as tooth filler
Yo Dog so short it's best friend is an Ant.
Yo Dog walker so stupid he took yo pet dog to the Clippers game to get him a haircut
Yo Father's so freakin stupid he has 1 toe on each foot, yet he just bought himself a pair of flip flops.
Yo Female Boss like a 7-11...open 24 hours for your convenience...
Yo Girlfriend so stupid, she teaches night classes at Stupid College.
Yo Grannie so dumb she go to the 24-hr convenience store and asks what time do they close...
Yo Grannie so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
Yo Grannie's so enormous that when she went to the drycleaners to hand in her underwear, they put up a sign - 'NO PARACHUTES ALLOWED'
Yo M....ah, screw it...I actually love yo Mamma...she reminds me of this Free Super Sexy Desktop SpaceBabe ...cheap, dirty and you can play with her for hours.........
Yo Mama So Stupid I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Yo Mama So Stupid I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...
Yo Mama So Stupid it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo Mama So Stupid it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
Yo Mama So Stupid she aks me what Jeans I wear. I said 'Guess' and she said - 'Wrangler???'
Yo Mama So Stupid she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
Yo Mama So Stupid she cooks Indian curry with Old Spice.
Yo Mama So Stupid she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
Yo Mama So Stupid she invented a silent car alarm.
Yo Mama So Stupid she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.
Yo Mama So Stupid she lost her shadow.
Yo Mama So Stupid she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
Yo Mama So Stupid she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.
Yo Mama So Stupid she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
Yo Mama So Stupid she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.
Yo Mama So Stupid she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...
Yo Mama So Stupid she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...
Yo Mama So Stupid she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
Yo Mama So Stupid she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job
Yo Mama So Stupid she stole Free Loafs from the Bakers.
Yo Mama So Stupid she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
Yo Mama So Stupid she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.
Yo Mama So Stupid she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
Yo Mama So Stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
Yo Mama So Stupid she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.
Yo Mama So Stupid she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
Yo Mama So Stupid she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.
Yo Mama So Stupid that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean
Yo Mama So Stupid when I asked her Are You Single? - she said, no 'I is Double jointed'
Yo Mama So Stupid when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'
Yo Mama So Stupid when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
Yo Mama ass so huge she take up 5 rows in the cinema...
Yo Mama like a television - even a 2 year old can turn her on!
Yo Mama so fat when she steps on a scale it reads "One at a time, please".
Yo Mama so old - heck, the first line of the Koran was mistranslated - it should read 'All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds and Father of Yo' Mama'...
Yo Mama so poor that she uses tumbleweed as a Xmas tree.
Yo Mama's so freakin nasty, I talked to her over the PC and she gave me a virus.
Yo Mamma's feet so skanky that when your family wants jam pieces, she gets yo brother to run a loaf of bread between her toes.
Yo Mamma's so hairy she just got an armpit trim and lost 20 pounds!
Yo Minister so stupid he gives Sermons on Genesis....Phil Collins old band...
Yo Mom so stupid that Oxford had to change the definition of Dumb...it now read: Dumb(n) - yo' Mama
Yo Moma sooooo ugly, I could have been yo Daddy but the dog beat me under the fence!
Yo Momma Like McDonalds ... Billions and Billions served...
Yo Momma Like Pizza Hut - not there in 30 minutes...it's free.
Yo Momma Like a Bowling Ball - she gets picked up, fingered, thrown into the gutter, yet she still comes back for more...
Yo Momma Like a Christmas tree - everybody hangs balls on her.
Yo Momma Like a Hoover - she sucks, blows, and finally gets laid back in the closet...
Yo Momma Like a Scooter - everybody ridin her but nobody admitting it
Yo Momma Like a bus - only 50 pence a ride
Yo Momma Like a door knob - cos everybody gets a turn!
Yo Momma Like a railroad track - she gets laid all over the country.
Yo Momma Like a stamp - you lick her, then stick her, and finally then send her away.
Yo Momma Like an arcade machine - dirty, smelly, costs 20 pence and lasts 30 seconds
Yo Momma Like peanut butter -- oh so smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.
Yo Momma Like the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody loves to poke her
Yo Momma Like the sun - if you stare at her too long you're gonna go blind.
Yo Momma house so small that I put my Key in the doorlock and broke the freakin back window!
Yo Momma so mad that she even made Kurt Russell escape from LA.
Yo Momma's like a Snickers bar - packed full with with nuts.
Yo Mother in law so hellishly stupid, that Tony Blair is considering making dumbness a crime, punishable by lethal injection.
Yo Mother in law so nasty, she got more clap than an auditorium.
Yo Mother in law so stinky she use Right Guard and Left Guard.
Yo Mother in law so stupid I saw her in Safeway's frozen food section with a fishing rod
Yo Mother in law's so fat, she was floating in the Atlantic ocean and Spain claimed her as a New World.
Yo Mother in law's teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road.
Yo Mother-in-law so stupid, she won first place in the Dan Quale spelling contest
Yo Nana so ghetto she washes paper plates.
Yo Nana so ugly she didn't get hit with an ugly stick, but with THE ugly log.
Yo Nana still so fat she wears a Microwave as a beeper.
Yo Papa's like an old arcade machine - toss in a quarter and you can play with his joystick.
Yo Papa's so short, he tried to commit suicide with a pin.
Yo Politics professor so stupid he ask George W Bush to guest lecture on Government 101.
Yo Poppa so stupid he studied for a Dope test!
Yo Postman so stupid that on his recorded delivery form where it says 'Don't write below dotted line', he puts 'OK'
Yo Priest so stupid I saw him worshiping at the feet of David Copperfield
Yo Reverand so stupid he asks David Ike for advice
Yo Sista like a mailbox, open all day and all night...
Yo Sista so fat the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
Yo Sister so dumb that she thought Taco Bell was Mexican phone company.
Yo Sister's so stupid she could trip over a cordless telephone.
Yo Star Trek nerd so hairy she make Chewbacca look like Jean Luc Picard.
Yo Uncle so astonishingly stupid that he thought Nestle Cheerio's were a new type of Donut Seed
Yo Uncle so stupid...heck, he marry your Auntie for christ sake!
Yo auntie Ethel's so toothless, it took her an hour to eat minute rice.
Yo baby sista's nose so long, it make Steffi Graf jealous...
Yo ex-girlfriend's like Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.
Yo girlfriend so cheap I threw her a penny for sex and she gave me change...
Yo girlfriend so stupid when her Apple Mac says 'You've got mail" she runs outside to wait for the Postman
Yo grannie's so fat, on each of her butt cheeks she has "Place Your Ad Here" printed.
Yo kid brother so fat and ugly Peter Jackson offered him the part of the Cave Troll in lord of the rings
Yo mam is so stupid - I just aks her about her X-Men and she said: "Well, my first baby's daddy was Jimmy...and I still see Johnny on Fridays...."
Yo mam like a screen door - after a couple of bangs she tends to loosen up.
Yo mama is so bad, when she got called for jury duty she was found guilty.
Yo mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and made Skittles!
Yo mama like nascar - two rubbers and shes ready to ride.
Yo mama only got 1 finger and runs around stealing key rings.
Yo mama should be locked away, cos every time she moons people they turn into werewolves
Yo mama so fat and stupid that she was fired from Forrest Gump cuz she kept eating the box of chocolates.
Yo mama so fat that when she went to sea world the little kids ran away and told their parents that a whale escaped.
Yo mama so fat, that when u were born, they had 2 send out a search party to find ya!
Yo mama so stupid and clumsy, she got tangled in a cordless phone.
Yo mama so stupid she puts a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept
Yo mama so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch.
Yo mama so stupid that she got stabbed in a shoot out.
Yo mama so0o0o fat, one day she walked out with a yellow rain jacket on and the children began yelling, "Hey, the School Bus is here!"
Yo mama so0o0o fat, she takes baths in the Atlantic Ocean
Yo mama soooo fat, she put on a yellow dress and the kids thought she was the school bus.
Yo mama soooo poor she can't even pay attention!
Yo mama such a bitch, she interned for Clinton.
Yo mama's a stunt double for the Predator
Yo mama's blind and is seeing another man.
Yo mama's like a race car driver...she burns a lot of rubbers...
Yo mama's like an elevator - blokes go up and down on her all day. Yo Mother in law so dmamnd Dislexus when I told her to go get some Head and Shoulders...she jump on top of me Shoulders and gave me head!!!
Yo mama's like the new AOL 7.0: Fast, fun, oh so easy and you get 100 hours FREE
Yo mama's so bald, Mr. Clean got jealous.
Yo mama's so bald, when she braids her hair, it remind me of stitches.
Yo mama's so clumsy, she got tangled up in a Mobile phone.
Yo mama's so fat that when she walks across the living room, the radio skips
Yo mama's so fat, she ain't on a diet, she's on a Triet - She's all like - "Whatever yo eating ... I'll try it!"
Yo mama's so fat, she gobbles down Cookies as if they were tic-tacs
Yo mama's so large, she went to get an all over tan and the sun burned out...
Yo mama's so nice, she offered me the hair off her back.
Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
Yo mama's so poor, TV dinner trays are her good china.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.
Yo mama's so stupid, wait...she had you didn't she!
Yo mama's so ugly, she made a blind man cry!
Yo mamas so fat she shoved a battery up her ass and yelled "I got the Power!".
Yo mamma so old, fat and hairy, that when she took you to the zoo the zookeepers thought a silverback Gorilla had abducted you!
Yo moma so fat when she wears a yellow rain coat all the people yell "taxi"
Yo moma so stupid if she would to speak her mind she would be speachless
Yo momma is soooooo stupid, she wears a t-shirt that says "hukd on fonicks woorkd fo mi"
Yo momma so dirty and contagious that when she went to the petting zoo, the animals made her wear radioactive gear.
Yo momma's so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo momma's so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
Yo momma's so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo momma's so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo momma's so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo momma's so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo momma's so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo momma's so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo momma's so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo momma's so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo momma's so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo momma's so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo momma's so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo momma's so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo momma's so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo momma's so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo momma's so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo momma's so ugly the NHL banned her for life
Yo momma's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo momma's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo momma's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo momma's so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
Yo momma's so ugly they push her face into dough to make cookies.
Yo momma's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo momma's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo momma's so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo mother in law so bald that when she put on a sweater, folk thought she was a roll on deoderant!
Yo secretary is like an ATM machine - open 24 hours...
Yo sista so fat that she gets runs in her Levi's
Yo teacher so stupid she booked herself into the Bettie Ford clinic cos she thought she was Hooked On Phonics.
Yo' Brother so ugly they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in his shower.
Yo' Cousin like a Penny...she ain't worth two bob.
Yo' Father in law so idiotic that he took a spoon to the superbowl.
Yo' Father in law so ugly that his American Express card left home without him...
Yo' Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
Yo' Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
Yo' Mum so ugli that even Prince Charming refuses to kiss her - he'd rather live as a frog.
Yo' Sister is so insanely stupid that last week she asked me to go to the lost and found with her when she missed her period.
Yo' accountant so darn stupid he thinks a Quarterback is an income tax refund.
Yo' best friend so idiotic she thoughtt Menopause was a button on her walkman.
Yo' ex-girlfriend just like a squirrel - she always got some nuts in her mouth...
Yo' mama breath so disgustingly bad that she needs Freshmints with batteries in it
Yo' mama so dumb she got locked inside Matress World and slept on the floor.
Yo'momma so ugly she actually is very good at her job: Being a scarecrow.
Yomomma so hairy that when she puts her arm to her side it looks like she has Don King in a headlock.
You Biology teacher so freakin stupid she thinks that DNA is the National Dyslexics Association.
You Grandma's so stupid when I tell her it's chilly outside, she goes to fetch a bowl.
You Momma so fat and stupid that her waist is bigger than her I.Q.
You Mommy so hairy she's got afros on her nipples.
You Sista like an Indian takeaway - 5 quid, all you can eat...
You are a botched inbred abortion that escaped the hospital and was raised by wild boar.
You are a classic case of cranium-rectal inversion.
You are a clodhopping yokel. Kindly tend to your fields.
You are a disgrace to the bloated rectum you were spawned from.
You are a disgrace to the rectum that farted you out of at birth.
You are a heteroclite example of why pregnant women shouldn't work with plutonium.
You are a mind numbing irrelevance.
You are a pothole on life's highway.
You are a strong argument against cloning.
You are about as deep as your reflection in a mirror.
You are about as entertaining as a child's inflatable punching toy. You bop it, it springs back, you bop it again and you forget it ever existed. It slowly deflates in an unused corner, then one day you throw it away.
You are about as interesting as a large slug on a rock.
You are about as much fun as watching a troupe of chimpanzees vomiting over each other.
You are about as upbeat as a dirge, a requiem for the dead, as upbeat as an air raid siren, as upbeat as a death rattle, as upbeat as the shrill scream of a murdered infant.
You are as charming as a dead mouse in a loaf of bread.
You are as welcome as a millipede in a bowl of salad.
You are cordially invited to bite me.
You are like watching Amputee Field Hockey: pathetic, and very quickly disgusting.
You are living proof of the need for ejector seats in helicopters.
You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
You are low quality, and lots of it.
You are no longer beneath my contempt.
You are no more than a pesky fly buzzing about the place spreading germs.
You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
You are not being paranoid. Everyone really does hate you.
You are not even beneath my contempt.
You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
You are nuttier than a Brazilian nut farm.
You are obnoxious in every odious detail. Live with it without bitterness.
You are one of the vilest maggots to ever bore holes in carrion.
You are one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
You are so boring that you couldn't even entertain a doubt.
You are such a smart-ass, I bet you could sit on a carton of ice cream and tell what flavor it is.
You are the cunt hairs that fall off my grandmother.
You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
You are the reason I fear the mentally ill.
You are the reason why do geneticists say daughter/father marriages are a bad idea.
You are the spawn from Hell's rectum.
You are the tainted spawn of a syphilitic swamp hog.
You are utterly reprehensible in every way.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
You are worth is less than your own feces.
You aren't worth the breath I'm wasting to destroy your self esteem.
You brother so hairy Big foot is taking his picture..
You can write the story of her life on a piece of confetti.
You continue to drift aimlessly in a sea of delusions and willful ignorance while desperately clinging to your over-active libido to give a false sense of buoyancy to your sinking mind.
You could be arrested for trying to impersonate a human being.
You could just have easily have said that by burping.
You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
You cousin so stupid I told him to take out the garbage...so he moved house...
You cousin so ugly that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
You don't even classify as homo sapien!
You don't seem to be yourself lately - and I've noticed the improvement.
You don't suffer from insanity - you enjoy ever minute of it.
You frozen turd-chomping unfunny clown!
You give away a lot of free advice, and only charge what it's worth.
You gotta tell yo moma to stop changing lipstick color - I'm now getting a freakin Rainbow on my d**k!
You grow on people, but so does cancer.
You have a fine voice - why spoil it by talking?
You have a good and kind soul. It just doesn't match the rest of you.
You have a knack for making strangers immediately.
You have a lot of funny lines - too bad they're all in your face.
You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.
You have a nasty speech impedimentyour foot.
You have about as much class as a bucket of mucous.
You have an even disposition - miserable all the time.
You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
You have less backbone than a sponge cake.
You have loosened your fingertip grip on reality, and have finally (and inevitably) descended into the depths insanity.
You have lost your fingertip grip on reality and have descended into an abyss of irreversible lunacy.
You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts, its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
You have severe delusions of social adequacy.
You have the appeal of a moldy sweat sock.
You have the popularity of bubonic plague.
You have the warm personal charm of a millipede.
You have your head so far up your ass you can chew your food again on the way down.
You just don't inspire me. You're like watching re-runs of Gilligan's Island.
You keep coming back to bother us, not unlike a case of herpes.
You know what I thought when I met you? Nothing. You made no impression.
You know, with wretched sub-human specimens like you, I'm always worried you might get on your BMX or pogo stick and bunny-hop your way to my house to shout through my mailbox!
You light up a room when you leave it.
You liked that mama joke didn't ya? Good?...well, nowhere near as good as Yo Mama was last night :)
You looked intelligent until you opened your mouth.
You make me as happy as an un-tipped waiter.
You make silence a wonderful thing to look forward to.
You mama's so daft she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.
You may be down to earth - but not down far enough to suit me.
You may be the only person to ever gotten AIDS from a toilet seat by sitting down before the last guy got up, and you may well have been voted "Man of the Year" by Time magazine for having had more meat between your buns than McDonald's, but what you fail to realize, Mr. Double Award Winner, is that all I want to hear from you is absolute silence.
You may be the only person to have won a Watermelon Eating Contest with your ass and, no doubt, impressed and regaled many a Burger King employee and bus stop stranger with the great event of your life, but it doesn't impress me and I'm still going to lay you out like an airport runway and land a 747 of beating on you if you don't shut up, you loose shingle in Hurricane Me.
You must be the kind of person who gets a charge out of pissing on electric fences.
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
You must have gotten up on the wrong side of your kennel this morning.
You never mattered anyway.
You only have one bad habit- breathing!
You passed by my place the other day. Thank you.
You pitiful puny pimple-popping putrid pile of prepubescent puke!
You remind me of a clarinet - a wind instrument.
You scare me - I don't want to die of boredom.
You seemed normal, until I got to know you.
You should be boiled in menstruation blood.
You should be extinguished by force-feeding you half a hundredweight of fresh horse dung.
You should be sent to a war zone to act as a shield on the front line.
You should be wired for silence.
You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.
You should face legal action for your attempts to impersonate a human.
You should hang your head in shame, and leave your body on it.
You slivering spawn from a hemorrhoidal leper's rectum!
You so skinny, you turned sideways and disappeared.
You so ugly when a friend walked you into school the teachers said sorry no pets aloud!
You toad-lickin', hound-kickin', snot-flickin', inbred swamp spawn!
You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are the opposite - obnoxious and arrogant.
You whine like a whine chime, slime.
You will go far - the further, the better!
You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
You'll never make 'Who's Who' but you might get into 'What's That'.
You're a banjo-strumming specimen of junkyard genetics.
You're a dingle berry brained chuckling chump.
You're a double wham of bad jam.
You're a free thinker. Your thoughts aren't worth anything.
You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.
You're a one-trick pony, and the trick is old.
You're a shining example of rancid sewer vermin and a blight upon all and sundry.
You're a waste of time, space, air, flesh, and the rectum you were born from, retard.
You're a zit-faced perpetual wedgie victim.
You're an unflushed turd.
You're certainly thoughtless. I wish you were speechless, too.
You're just a low-grade wino begging for pocket change.
You're like a slow leak - people hear you but they can't turn you off.
You're like school on a Saturday: no class.
You're more irritating than a tropical skin disease.
You're not as bad as people say, you're far worse!
You're not being sensitive. I really don't like you.
You're not even worth spitting at, never mind insulting with style.
You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
You're one in a million. Thank heavens.
You're so boring, even a boomerang wouldn't come back to you.
You're so dull, you can't even cut butter.
You're something that happens once in a million years - thank heavens!
You're talking like you have a death-wish. Well, youre in luck, because I have a murder-wish.
You're the only abortion I have ever seen that survived.
You've given me something to live for - revenge.
You've got a big hole in your head, now shut it.
Your 'interests' are less interesting than watching a scab form.
Your Aunt Mary just like a birthday cake - everybody gets a piece...
Your Big sis like the Bermuda triangle...they swallow a whole lotta seamen.
Your Boss so ugly people go as him for halloween.
Your Computer Repairman so stupid he picks up your floppy's with magnets
Your DNA twists in agony at the fact that it's committing an obscene crime by replicating.
Your Dentist so ugly they don't need anasthetics
Your Dog walker so ugly that he once took your Mutt to Crufts and WON - oh, the dog came second...
Your Dog's so stupid he bury's his own tail
Your Dog's so ugly as yo Momma that I had to shave its arse and make it walk backwards...
Your Driving Instructor's so ugly he has to wear a ski-mask when teaching.
Your Father's so ugly his hairline ain't receding...it's his hair that's running away from his ugly noggin.
Your Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!
Your Grandma's so Ugly her Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.
Your Grandpa so achingly stupid he think Beirut is a famous baseballer.
Your Grandpa so freakin stupid he sent me a fax with a 1st class stamp on it!
Your Grandpa so freakin ugly that when he gets up in the mornin, the Sun goes down.
Your Grandpa's so hairy, Jane Goodall follows him around.
Your Mama So Ugly I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
Your Mama So Ugly Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.
Your Mama So Ugly even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
Your Mama So Ugly even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
Your Mama So Ugly her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
Your Mama So Ugly her shadow gave up.
Your Mama So Ugly hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
Your Mama So Ugly instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
Your Mama So Ugly minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
Your Mama So Ugly people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
Your Mama So Ugly she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
Your Mama So Ugly she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
Your Mama So Ugly she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
Your Mama So Ugly she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
Your Mama So Ugly she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
Your Mama So Ugly she put the Boogie man outta business.
Your Mama So Ugly she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.
Your Mama So Ugly she was a guard at Snake Mountain
Your Mama So Ugly they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
Your Mama So Ugly they gave her a middle name...'accident'.
Your Mama So Ugly they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
Your Mama So Ugly they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
Your Mama So Ugly we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
Your Mama So Ugly when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
Your Mama So Ugly when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
Your Mama So Ugly when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
Your Mama So Ugly when she was born the Doc smacked her face.
Your Mama So Ugly when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
Your Mama So Ugly yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...
Your Mama So Ugly you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
Your Mama so dumb she brought a spoon to the super bowl.
Your Mama's sister so ugly that Blind men refuse to have sex with her.
Your Momma's so ugly that she hurt my feelings...
Your Mother in law so hellishly ugly, that president George W Bush is considering making ugliness a crime, punishable by the electric chair
Your Mother-in-law so ugly, she won first place in the Wookie lookalike contest.
Your Mummy like Blockbuster Video - everybody goes home happy.
Your Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone.
Your Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box.
Your Sister so Ugly that George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.
Your Sister's so ugly that she must been conceived on the Motorway - ain't that where most accidents happen?
Your Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society they turn off the CCTV cameras.
Your Uncle so astonishingly ugly that whenever he comes over and goes to your bathroom, the toilet flushes.
Your conversation is a run-on sentence that never ends.
Your doctor's so stupid he uses his mp3 player as a stethoscope
Your doctor's so ugly she manages to give Freddy Kreuger Nightmares!
Your genetic junkyard of mutated and tear away chromosomes is unfit for any purpose beyond scientific study.
Your house is so disgusting that I tripped over a rat, got bitten by a tarantula and to top it off - the cockroaches nicked ma wallet...
Your incoherent babbling has reached its zenith.
Your kid bro so stupid he try to strangle himself with his mobile phone.
Your kid bro so ugly that for Halloween he tricks or treats on his mobile phone!
Your kid so ugly the Doctor is STILL smacking his ass.
Your mama's so dirty when she takes a bath her bath water looks like tar.
Your mama's so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
Your mama's so ugly, hold on....you got a mirror handy???
Your mamma's so fat, the body snatchers called home for backup.
Your mental compass has become magnetized somewhere along the line, Marco Polo; it's hopping from north to south like fleas from the left to the right ear of a dog. Do you really think your verbal directions are worth more than 10cc's of bottled syphilitic whore spit?
Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
Your moma's so stupid she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.
Your moods swing like a frenzied club stripper around a greased dance pole.
Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
Your older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod.
Your personality grows on people; just like a human fungus.
Your pet Cat so freakin nasty it bit ma dog and gave it rabies.
Your presence makes me long for your absence.
Your so ugly even the Elephant Man makes jokes about ye!
Your total worth amounts to a rancid dump from an elephant's ruptured rump.
